Smile at us, pay us, pass us; but do not quite forget,
For we are the people of England, that never has spoken yet
Well, the people of England – the ones who are proud of their country, don’t live in Notting Hill or Islington, work in the private sector and don't live off other people's taxes – said an awful lot yesterday by giving UKIP a quarter of the popular vote in the local elections, thereby preventing either Labour or the Tories reaching 30%.
I’ve just spent an amusing hour watching the BBC’s election coverage. Various ludicrous Labour and Lib Dem MPs and chairman and deputy leaders and whatnot were dragged into the studio to have their bottoms spanked over their poor showings. Harriet Harman and “fat wanker” Tom Watson were the silliest, the Lib Dems all looked like whipped puppies, while, for the Tories, Michael Gove and Eric Pickles seemed decidedly uneasy – one suspects because they’re far keener on UKIP policies than those of their own party.
Leaving aside Labour’s inability to get back all the losses it made in 2010 when electors were gleefully punishing the then PM Gordon “Bugsy” Brown at the ballot box, the main talking point is how many Tory voters will return to the fold in 2015 when faced with the prospect of someone as footling as Ed Miliband becoming Prime Minister. If you add last night’s UKIP and Conservative share of the vote together you have an unassailable 48%. The real question is which section of the Tory Party is more likely to be able to convince UKIP voters to return – the left wing or the right wing.
Tricky one this, because, of course, many UKIP voters will be jolly worried about losing such winning left-wing policies as staying in the EU at practically any cost; doing nothing about the flood of Romanians and Bulgarians heading for the UK next year; intruding gay marriage; splattering the countryside with yet more wind-turbines; cutting the size of the police force; shrinking the military to such an extent that it would be hard-pressed to defend Lichtenstein; bullying universities to accept a greater number of ethnic and working-class students with rubbish A-levels; refusing to countenance the re-introduction of grammar schools; and, of course, doing nothing whatsoever to pay back our national debt…
Oh no, hang on: UKIP supporters are against each and every one of the policies foisted on the Tory party by its anti-Thatcher wing and their Lib-Dem bum-chums: that's why they voted for UKIP.
If the Tories want those who’ve deserted them for UKIP to return in time for the 2015 general election, they’ll have to turn so sharply to the right, the G-force will make their eyballs pop out.
The men in grey suits (if they still exist) have a simple choice: (a) stick with Cameron and Osborne and their toxically deluded “Blue Labour” Tory advisers, and hope that Ed Miliband’s terrifying awfulness will scare former voters into coming to heel, or (b) defenestrate the posh boys right now, tell the Lib-Dems to boil their heads, start negotiations with Nigel Farage - and choose a Thatcherite as party leader.
Of course, it’s all too late – there isn’t a single reason on earth for Nigel Farage to play ball with the Tories at this point, and certainly not while Cameron remains in charge. From the abjectness of Cameron’s response today to UKIP’s extraordinary (albeit unsurprising) success, it’s evident he doesn’t have a clue what to do – that’s the problem with having no political principles or instincts. If only he’d shown some courage after the 2010 election and refused to form a coalition with a left-wing party, he’d have been in power within six months with an outright majority, and the country might be slightly less of an economic basket-case. (I said all this three years ago – here - in a post entitled “Potentially a great day for the Tories - if the LibDems say no!”.)
Whatever happens, there’s nothing quite as heartening as the real people of England – the ones who keep this country going no matter which section of the oligarchy lied its way to electoral victory last time round – finally waking up and speaking VERY VERY LOUDLY.
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