One of the things I've been brooding about regarding the possibility of the Scots voting for independence tomorrow is their seeming determination to keep the Queen. Personally, I'd prefer it if Brenda threw a complete wobbler, told the ungrateful ginger pillocks to get stuffed, and ordered the RAF to flatten Balmoral. But now Britain's dub poet laureate has presented us with an excitingly alternative left-field plan which would - at a stroke - confirm the SNP's determination to turn Scotland into a multicultural nirvana brimming with hard-working immigrants who, as BZZ so eloquently points out, would create a northern equivalent of sunny Venezuela. Arise (presumably with the aid of a spliff the size of a marrow and a twelve-pack of Tennents Extra) the new Monarch of de Glen!
Bruddas in Scotchland! Rise up an' t'ing!
Scottish Rastas can soon gwan be free to run
Barefoot neath de everlastin' warmth of de Glasgow sun,
Each an' every one
Celebratin' in liberty, for all eternity
An' fe to smoke de 'erb wid impunity
From persecushun an'prosecushun by de forces of represhun an' fe to not appear at de Court of Sesshun
On a trump up charge of possesshun
By 'er Majestee.
So bruddas, on de happy occasion of Scotchland's liberation an' formation as a nation
Wid a positiv vibrashun
We gwan get on board de train of desegregation before it leave de station
An' get dem Scotch bruddas an some of dey less porky sistas out of dem armchair
To join us there,
In a new world which gwan be righteous an' fair
Once we lance de English boil
An' reward de Scottish workers' toil
For all de years of pain while dem sit on de arse an' do jack shit on de back of de North Sea Oil
For bruddas, a vote that is Yes is the only way
To throw off the yolk and albumen of oppresshun dis very day
An' follow our liberator, de Glasgow Mandela,
As we gwan set up a socialist paradise like in Venezuela
An' turn we backs on years of economic failure
An' transport de English to de frozen wastes of Australia
An' den an' only den can we fe to establish a fair an' just liberal democracy
Wiv an end to de Tory cuts an' English self selectin' aristocracy
Which hav put us all into poverty thru dem autocracy
An' fe to put in place a hierarchy, which refleck de true make up of dis new society
Wiv a member of an effnik minority to head up de Scotch monarchy
Bludd claaat.
De battered Salmond need to have a long vacation
And Bruddas, who better to lead dis new nation
Than a victim of England fascististic colonial discriminisashun
Whose dreadlocks an' poems speak of a struggle widout cessation
For toleration an' opportunity creation
At de head of a valiant, diversity-sensitive an' religiously unblinkered Scottish population?
So Rastas, de bird of liberashun is on de wing
An' de bagpipes of equality gwan sing
Songs of joy to de new born Scotchland King
Benjamin de First
Bruddas, it has a ring
An' t'ing.
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