Does anyone know what David Cameron means by a "reformed Europe Union"? And has Nigel Farage gone mad?

Yes, I know - as if there weren't enough far better-informed people than yours truly commenting on this issue, but I've been scratching my head ever since last night, trying to figure out what, exactly, is the nature of the "reform" the EU has apparently undergone. Cameron must have repeated the phrase five or six times during his short address outside 10 Downing Street this afternoon. Apparently, the Cabinet agrees that Britain should be encouraged to vote to stay within "a reformed European Union". Well, maybe it should. I have no idea. Because "staying in a reformed European Union" isn't actually what's on offer.

The piffling pseudo-concessions insultingly offered to Britain by the EU to persuade us to stay don't represent any sort of reform whatsoever to this mad, failed, undemocratic, socialist organisation's structure, its aim of creating a European superstate, or even of its most disgustingly corrupt, restrictive and horrendously expensive fiddle - i.e. the Common Agricultural Policy. I repeat - exactly what "reformed European Union" is Cameron talking about? As for his initial statement last night that his triumphant negotiations meant that Britain would never have to adopt the Euro - well, nobody has ever suggested that we would ever be forced to forsake the pound. It's as if, after a brief chat over the fence with one our neighbour, I were burst through the front door to announce that, after negotiations with him next door, we will never have to give him all our furniture and the cat.

How sensible right-wingers like Theresa May and Sajid Javid could have brought themselves to go along with this shameful capitulation is a mystery whose solution will probably only be revealed when some Top Tory eventually break ranks and spills their guts to an enterprising journalist. In the meantime, we can only assume that Cameron has access to a J. Edgar Hoover-style filing cabinet brimming with dirty little secrets about his senior colleagues.

At the time of writing, the two most high-profile Tory nay-sayers are Chris Grayling and Michael Gove (whom God preserve). They both started life as journalists. Grayling was a colleague of mine at the BBC Nine O'Clock News in the late 1980s, and Gove wrote for number of outlets, most notably The Times. I have no idea if this is significant or not, but it interested me. In the unlikely event that Boris Johnson locates his testicles in the next few hours and declares his support for Brexit, then the three main figures in the Out camp will all be former journalists.

As for Nigel Farage, please rearrange the words "past", "his" "date" and "sell-by" into a well-known phrase or saying. If Farage seriously imagines that unveiling George Galloway - one of the most loathed British politicians of my lifetime - as a major ally in the Brexit camp represents something of a political coup, rather than a career-destroying own goal, he really needs to relinquish the leadership of UKIP at once and to have nothing further to do with the campaign to persuade Britons to vote to leave the EU. It was great while it lasted, Nigel - but you've done your job, and it's time to exit the stage with dignity, rather than kicking and screaming.